I am… me. A human being. One woman among the millions and millions of women out there. Perhaps you passed by me on the street. Maybe you made me cry. Maybe you made me laugh. Perhaps I elbowed you by mistake and didn’t have the chance to apologise. Look to your right. Maybe you see me in the mother picking up her little boy and wiping away his tears. Look to your left. Perhaps you see me in the young girl arguing with her boyfriend and then running away, hurt and in pain, swallowing her tears, because she doesn’t want to cry, for she has been told so many times that only the weak cry. Maybe I am the woman who sells you bread every morning, trying to force a smile, not wanting to upset you, her customer, but behind that smile, she tries to hide the devastating pain of just having lost her mother. Perhaps I am the woman who just made your best friend happy, giving him a perfect and wonderfully beautiful child. Perhaps I am your child’s teacher, who patiently shows them how to write and calculate. Perhaps I am the old lady in the corner of the street, poorly dressed in shabby clothes, who once was an extremely beautiful and very wooed and highly educated young lady. Perhaps I am the business woman you just called a bitch for you think she despises men, but you have no idea that her soul bears the pain of a rape in her adolescence. Perhaps I am the woman you have just called names for having a defect in one of her eyes, but you don’t know that her husband disfigured her by beating her up whilst he was drunk. I could be any woman in the crowd where you hurriedly lose yourself daily, the blonde every man dreams of, the brunette, the fat one, simply anyone, yet somebody.
With your permission, I will have the luck of getting to know you when you interact with me in the comments and I can’t wait to meet you, beautiful soul!
Next I am a woman who is fortunate to have a job that has allowed me to work from home. As brilliant as this can be and may sound to those of you who go out in cold and inclement weather, early in the morning on the daily work commute, it has its downfalls. Working from home means no commute, no break from those four prison walls. Days can go by with just you and the children, dialogues playing out over and over again. Sometimes you yearn for another adult to bounce ideas off of or just to have an adult conversation. This lack of interaction with others can destroy you psychologically and the stress of constant deadlines, things which must be done yesterday, stop you looking out of the window at that beautiful view. One day you realise that the last time you looked out and took a pause for breath it was summer, and now the snow lies on the ground.
Then, I am a mother, wife, lover, housekeeper (it’s not exactly my strength, dusting is last on the list of priorities 🙂 ), master chef and, if I were to divide the mother and wife job into sub-jobs, then I am also a teacher, doctor, tailor, therapist, chauffeur, painter, shoulder for tears springing out from the broken wings of love and the nurse who bandages and blows healing air on wounds. That’s pretty much all. I’d say it’s enough, right? Maybe now you understand why dusting is the last one on the list of priorities. 😉
I am a person with a large and very heavy baggage called my past. Most likely I’ll never tell you the detailed story, for two reasons: 1) I don’t see the importance and 2) it wouldn’t affect me in any way if you judged me, if you felt pity for me or if you admired me. However I don’t want to expose my family and to me, pity is a miserable unproductive feeling, as it never helps anyone with anything. I hope you understand. And I chose to let go of this baggage a long time ago in my life and it suddenly became so much lighter. And I chose to see the beauties of life. And I chose to laugh with joy, like a child. And I chose to believe there are still beautiful people out there. And I chose to see how many extraordinary things I have in my life and how many wonderful people surround me. Why? Because we always have two variants in life: to see the glass half full or half empty, to be kind or to be mean, to be cowardly or brave, to whine or to be grateful, to be honest or to lie, to be beautiful or ugly. All the time. Each one of us. And every single one of us decides for themselves what to choose.
Talking about baggage… It would be wonderful if this blog were read and followed by all people, regardless of their age, gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, religion and so on, for it will be a blog about us: human beings. I’m not a psychologist. Although I have studied psychology, life guided me in a different direction. However, I have never given up on my passion to study and understand the human mind, the human soul, the human being in general, particularly keeping my eyes open to all that surrounds me, from the great desire to know, understand and accept myself and my loved ones. And, by seeing the world through my own eyes and through the eyes of those with whom I have interacted throughout my life, I discovered we are all pretty much the same: we cry, we laugh, we have doubts, we lack self-confidence and don’t trust many people in our lives, we have fears we are terrified to talk about and admit, are lost, feel misunderstood, “fuelled” with judgements imposed on us by the society, so-called friends, family, religion… that we no longer know who we are in fact and we choose to cover our faces with masks, faking our lives. Almost all of us. Or perhaps all of us.
Real people with real stories can inspire us all and help to restore our self-confidence, for we realise we are not alone, but a part of a whole that stands on a very similar base. It is important that we are open, honest firstly with ourselves, to observe and listen not only around us, but also to our own inner voice. As I was saying, I would like this to be a blog for all of us, but it would be my greatest and most sincere joy if the articles that will be posted here first reached the hearts of those who have a dark past, who have suffered in their childhood, the hurt “souls” and, if you don’t become defensive (although there is nothing wrong with this, as it means a sensitive string has been touched), you will notice how many we are and how much we resemble each another! And if you realise this with all your heart, you will rise, you will dust off and decide you are worthy to courageously go forward with your life, with your chin up and your feet firm on the ground!
Welcome to my blog, a place where we discover each other and all learn together!
*I am fully responsible for what I write on this blog. What you understand or the image you create about myself is your own responsibility. It is possible that the situations or characters are inspired from my own reality… or not. But it is very likely that they exist or might have existed in somebody’s reality.